Tuesday, February 26, 2002


Questions I would ask:

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote?
Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
If so, how could you treat them?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
If a man speaks and their is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If God sneezes...what should you say?
If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the iside of the tube?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
Isn't it a little scary that a doctors work is called practice?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happened to the first 6 ups?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What's another word for synonym?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
Who is general failure and why is he reading my disk?
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
What do you do when you discover and an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
if it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Thursday, February 14, 2002

Happy Valentine's Day!

Phrase of the day: "Te adoro!" I adore you!

Especialmente si da me adminículos. Olvidese flores y chocolate! :D

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

I hate it when they build up a snow/ice storm and the promise of a snow day, and then all a little teacher's hopes get crushed into the wet pavement.

Oh, and Alpharetta gets the "Dumb City of the Day" Award. Just a hint: don't test the tornado sirens during a severe rainstorm.

Saturday, February 02, 2002

I got my first birdie this morning! At Sequoyah nonetheless, which is a course I loathe! Usually I get 5+ on every hole. Got my first par on that course, too. And didn't see one snake. Or "nake" as my 3-year-olds say.

Friday, February 01, 2002

Ponte otro seuter. - Put on another sweater.